he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
