After last night, I could never be a politician.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
