i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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