I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Life is so much better after having sex.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Randomize
