I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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