According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
