u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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