Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
