we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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