god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
