Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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