In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
