broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
