if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
