farters have to be the big spoon...
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
