I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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