You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
