I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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