if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
