If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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