Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
