we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
