Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
