so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Randomize
