We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
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