I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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