he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
