i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
