Your mouth is God's brothel.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
