I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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