I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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