my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
You have to summon your inner elephant
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
