This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
