i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
vagina is talking i cant
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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