in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
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