You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
be right there i have to get my cape
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
