is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
