I hope mine doesn't look like that
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
