Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
