i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
