Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Randomize
