I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
