How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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