PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Randomize
