Will you blow on my dice?
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
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