you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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