I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
