I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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