does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
