mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
