Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
