If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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