So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Randomize
