Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
