talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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