I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
