At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
