Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
