I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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